


That Branch

by WolfyWithSunglasses



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types
Genre: F/M, Humor, M/M, Office AU, Romance, They're all horrible, Tony is the backbone, a bunch of very short stories from the office, no one works
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-05-26
Updated: 2018-07-05
Packaged: 2018-07-10 09:20:53
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 17
Words: 4,753
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6977449
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/WolfyWithSunglasses/pseuds/WolfyWithSunglasses
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Very short clips from a documentary documenting the lives of a group of people working in an office.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Fury & Cheese and Coffee

**Author's Note:**

> A couple of weeks ago I read an amazing fic that I think was based on "Parks and Recreation" which is an amazing show. This is kind of similar, but more to "The office", also I'm not very good at grammar and spelling, so we have that. That fic is a 10+, and I'm a 3, so don't expect this train wreck to be good. 
> 
> Most of these are based on posts on tumblr or some tvshows, I'll try to link when that happens, if somone bother reading this.
> 
> Also, I would like if you notify me if you see misspellings. English is not my first language.

“How long have you been working here?” The cameraman asks curiously as he zooms in on the boss of the office.

His name is Nick Fury, a dark, scary man with an eye patch. He is looking trough the blinds and out at the people who are busy working.

Fury lets go of the blinds and turns around with his hands on his back. “I… long,” he mutters.

“Is that your answer? I…long?” The cameraman asks.

On Fury’s desk there are two pictures. One of his friend, he refers to as Cheese, and another one of a giant dog.

Fury lets out a sigh. He massages his forehead.

There is a knock at the door before Fury can answer.

“I have your coffee,” Cheese says. Phil Coulson pushes the door open with his back. In his hands are two cups of hot coffee.

Fury’s face seems to soften and his suit clad shoulders sink. “Cheese.”

“Boss,” Phil says as he hands Fury his cup. WORLD’S BEST BOSS is written on it in capital letters. It was a gift from Tony Stark who had given it as a joke which Fury still hasn’t figured out.

The other cup has a hello kitty picture on it. Phil looks from Fury to the camera. “I work in human resources,” he says and takes a sip from his cup and leaves the office. The camera zooms out trough the blinds and at the cup.


	2. The Backbone

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tony is the backbone of the office.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's painfully short.

“Am I the backbone of this company?” Tony leans back in his chair, using his leg to swing from side to side. “No, I don’t think so.” He has his left leg resting on his right knee and purses his lips as he plays with a pen. “No, cut that. I am.” 

“Hey, Tony?” The camera switches to film Steve Rogers who is sitting opposite of him. “Your phone is ringing.”

“Pardon,” Tony gives Steve an annoyed look before he grabs the phone. “Yeah, Stark.”

In the meeting-room, they film Steve again. “Tony is not the backbone of this company,” he says. “Today I have closed three sales. He rewatched The Iron Giant, and cried.” He looks out of the window facing the office and over at Tony. “Sometimes I just really want to fight him.”


	3. Bucky Barnes

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Steve has got a crush.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Anyone there? Thanks for reading :)

Tony glances over at Steve who stands up from his chair. He follow him with his eyes as Steve looks like he is debating if he should do what he is thinking or not. He is walking in cricles out on the street infront of the office building.

 

The camera switches over to the brunet at the reception desk. 

 

 

* * *

 

 

"The deal?" Tony asks as he leans back in his chair. He is sitting in the conference room. "Oh, the one armed man. Can I say that? It is a reference you know. Twin Peaks. Honestly!?" He sighs. The camera follows his coworker as he walks over to the reception desk and awkwardly leans on it.

 

"I think his name is Barnes. Speaks bad English and is Russian. I think. Also Steve got a crush on him so he's been trying to learn some." Tony looks at the camera. "It's kind of cute, uh, also creepy. I have a theory that the only reason Fury hired him is so that no one will ever want to call him every again."

 

 

* * *

 

"Hey," Steve starts and he gets a pained expression on his face. "Uh, Меня зовут Rogers, Steve."

 

Bucky Barnes looks up from the screen and glances into the camera which is hid behind the copier.

 

* * *

 

 

"My name is James Buchanan Barnes. I'm from Brooklyn," The secretary slash receptionist says and scratches his cheek with his finger.

 

"Everyone thinks you're Russian," the cameraman queries.

 

"I've met Natasha Romanov before. She helped me some with my Russian. So the story is that when Fury introduced me my first thought was to greet Nat but then everyone started thinking that I'm actually Russian."  Bucky covers his mouth as he smiles brighter. "So I went with it... and Nat and I have only been speaking Russian to each other."

 

 

* * *

 

 

"Your English is-."

 

"I'm from Brooklyn," Bucky explains and Steve seems to brighten up.

 

"I'm too."

 

“And don’t use google translate," Bucky says.

 

 

* * *

 

 

"They've hit it off," Tony says as he observes them. "How?" He looks directly into the camera. “HOW?”

 

 

* * *

 

 

Steve sits at his desk smiling awkwardly and looks over at Bucky who nods back. "I have a date."


	4. Coffee for the working man

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have no idea.

The camera zooms in on Fury who is looking out of the window to the parking lot. He lifts the mug with hot coffee to his lips and takes a sip. A sight escapes his mouth. “If work wasn’t stressful enough,” he says and holds the mug with both hands and looks straight into the camera. “Thankfully we have coffee. The brand new coffee from-.”

“You’re not supposed to-,” the camera man stutters.

“Not supposed to what? Are you saying that I can’t promote my favourite coffee on my own goddamn show?”

“Well sir... the contract,” the camera man stutters. There is a hard knock at the door and the camera turns to the new man, Coulson.

“Boss, I was thinking we could go out for lunch,” he says. “Also, Stark got Barton’s tie stuck in the copier again. So, I suggest we hurry.”


	5. Clint Barton

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "I do everything,"

"I do everything," Clint says casually as he leans back in his chair.

The camera zooms in on his desk which is inbetween a plant and Tony Stark's red shirt.

On his desk are two artifacts. A picture of a light brown dog and another one of a red haired woman. The woman is the same who meets the camera when it zooms back out.

She stands still sipping her coffee.

"As in?" The cameraman asks unsure.

"Everything," Clint says. His voice gets shaky. "When people don't want to do their work - they throw it at me. Is there any dust? _Oh, Barton can do it._ Paper stuck in the copy machine? _Oh of course. Let's trick Barton into getting his tie stuck_. Haha. Funny. Today will be different."

* * *

The camera follows Natasha as she puts a pile of papers on Clint's desk, and he starts doing paperwork.


	6. Russian dishes

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Barnes doing his job.

”Barnes,” Tony Stark greets as he enters the office. He is wearing a pair of sunglasses, a long coat and a grin.

The camera films Bucky who glances up from a notebook. His hair is a mess and he looks stressed out.

Tony avoids him and turns to Steve with an even bigger smile. “And noble.”

“Mr. Stark, we will have to cut that.” the camera man stutters from where he is standing by Fury’s office-door.

“It was a joke. Not a sponsor.”

“Yes, but Mr. Stark in the contract-.”

Something in Russian comes from Barnes which makes the cameraman fumble with his camera.

* * *

“The office in New York wants to set us up with a new phone system," Phil says. He is sitting in the conference room with a cup of coffee in his hands. He looks out of the blinds and over at Bucky who is looking to be in a heated discussion in a foreign language.

“And uh… which means that Mr. Barnes, when that happens, will lose his job,” he continues. “Fury really likes him, because Barnes is very good at making excuses for him. Cut that last part.”

* * *

 

“What he is saying?” Natasha looks at the camera with a small smile. “Well he is just saying names of Russian dishes. The uh, office in New York have been calling multiple times these last couple of weeks. So that is how he has been responding ever since the first call. I’m… I'm very proud of him.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I just wanted a Barnes & Noble joke. This isn't even funny.


	7. Someone is getting fired (part 1)

Fury is sitting in his office with his phone in his hand and nodding to the message.  A grim expression covers his face.

* * *

 

The camera zooms in on Coulson through the glass door to the cafeteria. He is taking his lunch out of the small fridge.  It’s in a small blue box with CPF 1# printed on in big, capital, white letters.  A small smile is on his lips as he hums and walks out of the cafeteria and over to his desk.

* * *

 

“Something is off about F,” the cameraman starts but Coulson immediately sends a glance which tells him to shut up. He looks over towards Fury’s office. The blinds are shut.

“Come with me,” Coulson more or less whispers. He puts his lunch in the drawer which is on the bottom of his desk.

They follow Coulson out of the office, into the hallway, down through the echo-y staircase. The footage on the camera gets shaky.

“Nick- Boss got a call from the office in New York,” Coulson explains when they’re finally outside by the dumpsters. “We have to let someone go.” He looks a bit worriedly away from the camera. “No one knows yet, so keep it a secret. Now, you see – the problem is that – Boss isn’t – let’s just say that he has a soft spot for all the employees.”

* * *

  
“Oh I know,” Natasha Romanov says as she passes the camera on her way out with a confused Barton in tow.

Barnes watches them leave before standing up and leaning over towards the camera which follows him. “I told her.”

The cameraman looks confused at him.

“In Russian.”

* * *

 

Fury’s office door opens and the man himself walks out. “Odinson, a minute.”

A broad shouldered, blond, Scandinavian looking, man smiles to the camera before walking over to Fury who holds the door open for him.

* * *

 

“Thor,” Nick Fury starts before sighing. Then he stands up and looks out of the window. “Thor Odinson.”

“Did I do anything wrong?” Odinson asks and glances a little uncertain at the camera and then back at Fury.

“No,” he turns around in a commanding manner. “You are great. A hard working man.”

“If this is about the cookies.”

“It’s not about the cookies,” Fury sighs as he holds his hands up to his face, and it looks like he is groaning in frustration. “It’s just that I feel like you’d be interested in something more. Something this office can’t offer you. I would understand if you would want to expand your horizons.”

“What are you telling me?”

“That,” Fury puts his hands together. “You want something better.”

“Oh.” Oddinson chuckles. A smile slips through. “No, I want to stay here.”

“You want to leave.”

“No. I like it here. Love it here. There must be a misunderstanding here.”

“Look. Odinson. I need to let someone go.”

“I would hate to be that person,” Thor said.

There is a knock at the office door and Barnes opens the door. “Odinson’s phone has been ringing like mad for like the past fifteen minutes.”

“Back to work Odinson,” Fury says.

* * *

Fury sits with his head in his hands. "It has to be Barnes."


	8. Someone is getting fired (part 2)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sam Wilson.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here is another chapter in the "Someone is getting fired arc". No mention of someone getting fired-  
> If you see some spelling mistakes, do tell me.
> 
> Enjoy!

A bus is standing out on the parking lot outside the office. Its employees are standing in a crowd, chatting, as they look at it curiously. The bus is an old, blue, company bus, with the logo on both sides. It looks like it hasn't been used in years.

“I haven’t been on a bus since I was, let’s see, a kid,” Tony says thoughtfully. His hands are in his pockets while red sunglasses are resting on his nose. There is no sun. “Around 5.”

“So, yesterday?” Bucky responds a second later, and smiles. The camera zooms in on Tony’s face.

Steve high fives Bucky, and the camera zooms even closer in on Tony who looks to be slightly offended.

“Funny,” he says and lifts up his finger. “Very, funny, Barnes.”

“I’m on Stark’s side here,” Sam Wilson, the accountant, says as he moves to stand beside Tony.

“A man of good taste,” Tony compliments  and smirks.

Barnes looks confused at him. “What sides?”

“I’m not saying there are sides here,” Sam replies, a smile on his lips.

* * *

 

Bucky stands by the entrance to the office, out of earshot of the others and turns to the camera. “I think Sam Wilson doesn’t like me.” He pushes a strand of hair behind his ear. “I don’t think I have done anything to make him hate me. Am I unlikeable?” He stares at the cameraman who shrugs.

* * *

 

“I don’t hate Barnes,” Sam says casually. “Honest. I’m just saying that if I meet him on the street or at the store, I won’t say hi to him.”

“Sam!” Steve shouts. The camera turns to film Steve who is waving him over, where the rest of the office employees are boarding the bus.

* * *

 

“Is everybody here?” Nicky Fury asks, his voice seems harsher than usual. He looks over his employees who all look at him from their seats.  

Someone pulls a little at his coat. It’s Coulson who waves him down to his seat behind the driver’s seat. He puts his hand up to his mouth to shield it from the camera but the microphone catches it. “The buddy system, Nick,” he whispers.

Fury gives him a unreadable look, before pulling himself back together. “Does everyone have another person beside them, their buddy?”

Sam lifts his hand and the camera zooms in on him. He sitting way back in the bus.

“Wilson.”

“Sir, can I switch buddy?” Sam asks, and sinks when Fury’s one eye stares him down. The camera zooms out, so that Bucky who is sitting beside him is in frame.

Fury puts his hands on this hips and the bus turns silent. “Is it because he is foreign?” He nods his head towards Bucky.


	9. Someone is getting fired (part 3)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It has been forever since I updated.

"Can you not?" Tony asks annoyed.

The bus swings off the road and the back of the bus hits the ground. Steve sits with his head turned towards the back of the bus.

He is smiling and occasionally raising his eyebrows.

"Rogers, stop communicating with Barnes in morse code and listen to me," Tony continues and pokes at him.

Steve looks over at him before giving a last glance at Barnes who looks into the camera with a smirk. Sam from accounting shakes his head.

"Don't talk about me behind my back when I'm right here," Tony continues.

"You have my utmost attention," Steve replies while tapping his fingers at the armrest. "Now what's the problem?"

"Your office romance was ruining my day, my year and, dare I say, life?"

Steve's eyes are wide and his eyebrows are raised high as he hurriedly looks over at the back of Fury's seat. The camera shakes as it follows him and zooms in on the light that is reflected on the bald-man's head. Fury turns and looks confused at the camera.

"Can you be a little quiet about this Stark?" Steve whispers.

Tony sighs overdramatically. "Rogers, I would never reveal your obvious romance with _that person_ ," he reassures the blond man with a hand on his shoulder. "Not when you're doing so fine yourself."

"Take your hand off my shoulder."

Tony sits back and holds his hands up. "Fine. I'll just find another blond-friend. Speaking of blond-friends... where is Point Break?


	10. Birthday Boy

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This one is just sad.
> 
> Edit: I changed the name of the chapter form "Someone is getting fired (part 4) - Thor Odinson" to "Birthday Boy".

"I love surprises," Thor Odinson says smiling wide. "Especially surprise birthday parties. It's all like everyone's hiding in a dark room and when you turn the lights on, everyone jumps out and shout 'surprise' and you fake surprise because you already knew about it but you love your friends so you still pretend." He sighs happily and relaxes in his chair.

 

* * *

 

 It's early morning and the camera follows Thor get out of his car. He whistles as he walks into the building and takes the elevator.

The office is dark when he gets there. A smile is on his lips and he flicks on the lights. There is silence. All the desks are empty. Then there is a cough.

The camera zooms in on the open door to the conference room.

"Hello friend! Where are all the others?" Thor yells as he walks confidently to the room.

"Banner?"

Bruce Banner rolls out of a sleeping bag. His hair is a mess and he is wearing the suit he wore the day before.

"Thor, I - I can explain!" Banner stutters and stand up defensive.

"You live here?" Thor asks. "Or is this part of my surprise?" He smiles smugly. "You shouldn't have. I don't need birthday surprise parties. Yet I appreciate the effort. You are my favorite coworker."

"Thank you?" Banner says before staring to pack up his stuff.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> NO! THOR IS NOT GETTING FIRED.


	11. Someone is getting fired (end)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The gang figures out who is getting fired.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I wrote myself into a corner.

Their bus is parked by an open and eerily green field. The sky is bright blue and the sun shines brightly.

The employees confusedly exit the bus. Clint Barton shields his eyes from the strong sun. Next, out the bus, is Tony Stark wearing sunglasses.

“I feel like we were shut in for years and now finally managed to escape,” Clint croaks.

Tony grimaces. The camera zooms in on his face as he touches his sunglasses. His eyebrows can be seen over the frames of the expensive sunglasses. “I feel you,” he says awkwardly. He tracks down the camera and holds up his hand so only the camera catches what he mouths off. ‘I did not fall asleep with my sunglasses on.’

“Everyone, please keep close to your buddy,” Fury tells the rest of the people as he exits the bus. “We have only an hour here, so when it is up –.” He walks down onto the field and waves his employees with him. “Your buddy better be approximately in your personal-space.”

“That was an uncomfortable long pause,” Wanda Maximoff whispers to herself. She is the last one in Fury’s line.

* * *

 

Fury leads his employees to a couple of benches underneath a giant tree. Everyone finds a seat beside their buddy and look with anticipation at their boss.

“Now I know what you are all wondering,” he starts. “I am not the one for sudden field-trips during your lunch. In fact I would much rather like for us to be back at the office and working.” He looks over all the employees and then at Coulson who gives him an encouraging nod. “Now, we are here because of a rumor. A rumor about the company’s wish for me to let someone go.”

“Oh my god you fired Odinson,” Tony says. All the employees starts chatting at ones.

Fury frowns. “No, quiet down. I haven’t fired Thor Odinson.”

“Bruce… but Banner is one of your most valued employees,” Steve says in confusion.

Fury rubs his forehead in annoyance. “Quiet down! No, I fired Johann Schmidt!”

The employees all shut up.

Bucky Barnes looks confused at the other employees. He leans over to Sam the accountant. “Who?” he whispers and sounds rather relieved.

Sam has a pained expression on his face. He licks his lips uncomfortably. “I… I don’t know.”


	12. Who broke it?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Someone broke it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know. I know. This is what I actually wanted to upload.

"Who broke it?" Nick Fury asks in a serious tone. He is nodding to the coffee maker. He looks over the people he has called into the conference room.

"I did," Phil Coulson says and looks guiltily at Fury.

"No, no you didn't," Fury replies. "Now, who broke it?"

Sam the accountant looks over at Bucky Barnes.

"What, I didn't break it." Banres says in confusion.

Sam lifts an eyebrow. "Then how did you know it was broken?"

Barnes glances over Steve Rogers who unsubtly focuses on a nonspecific area in Nick Fury's direction.

"Because it's sitting right in front of us... and it's broken?" Barnes replies in confusion.

"Wanda was the last one to use it," Clint Barton pipes up.

Wanda Maximoff looks offended over at him. "Liar? I don't even drink that."

"Uhm... sir?" Steve says. "Stark has been awfully quiet."

"Oh really!" Tony Stark barks from the other side of the room. 

* * *

 

"I broke it," Nick Fury says to the camera. "I tried making a cup for Coulson."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It is taken from:  
> Parks and Recreation Episode 13 Season 3: "The Fight"


	13. Colleagues

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Steve and Bucky have a conversation.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I haven't thanked you all for reading and giving this fic kudos!  
> Thank you. :)
> 
> You're all too nice.

"Yeah, Rogers. I'd like those papers in by the end of today," Sam says casually.

"Sure."

The secretary enters the small kitchen next. Sam watches them curiously as Steve places his own cup of coffee on the counter.

"Bu- Barnes," Steve says, his voice a little shaky. "About our meeting tonight." He glances over at Sam who is watching them. 

"Yeah?"

"You said you didn't want any... food."

"We can't my sister is coming over the next day and we can't have..." Bucky looks over at Sam before giving his attention to Rogers. "Crumbs ... on the floor."

Roger takes a step forward. "But ... what if I get hungry?"

"No food."

"Buck." 

* * *

"I don't want to know," Sam says. "I don't want to know."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Inspired by this scene from The Office: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2Gq-L7Lj9yY


	14. Two Boys and Hamburgers (and I accidentally made Bruce homeless)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Thor and Bruce are friends.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for all the kudos and comments!
> 
> I write these really short stories whenever something pops into my head tbh. I kind of don't like the formula I made for this fic. I feel like I'm badly writing a manuscript for an episode, so it becomes difficult to write like a more detailed story with adjectives. Maybe I will write a version of this that has like a real plot with some character development. Who knows. I still have an unfinished fic on my to-do list. 
> 
> Also, I did not mean for Bruce to end up as a man without a home. This was supposed to be a stucky fic, but now it is more of a "these people also work here, the romance is just that little extra". 
> 
> The butts is not a typo.

"No _butts_ Banner, I'm paying," Thor says loudly.

"This means a lot Thor," Bruce Banner says as they exit the bus. It drives off behind them.

The camera zooms in on the outside of a restaurant. Thor holds the door open for Banner and they walk in. 

* * *

 

"This might come as a surprise to you friend," Thor says. "But I'm on a strict diet. I wasn't born with chiseled abs. They came as a gift after years of training."

The pair is seated by the window. On the table in front of them are two glasses of coke and two big hamburgers with fries on the side.

Thor picks up his hamburger with both hands. "When I was a child I could only do ordinary push-ups," he stops speaking and chuckles to himself. "Now I can do one-armed push-ups in my sleep."

"Mhm," Banner replies as he takes another bite of his burger.

"That does not mean that I do not - from time to time - find myself enjoying a good meal at Mc*****."

"Please don't say the name of the brand," the camera man whispers.

"Oh sorry," Thor says and smiles. "A good meal at this fine hamburger restaurant." He looks directly into the camera and give a thumbs up.

"This is really delicious," Banner says with his mouth full.

"That is correct. The B***** is really delicious... am I not allowed to... oh okay. Banner, my friend, this declassified name of said hamburger ... hamburger is the best."


	15. Heated Lunch

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tony Stark has a lot of work to go through.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is the first time I'm uploading a chapter on my phone. Will I regret this? Maybe.
> 
> Also Bucky is a secretary  
> / receptionist.

Steve Rogers looks over at the secretary / receptionist and smiles awkwardly.

"Haven't you two been going out for the past month now?" Tony Stark asks annoyed. He is sitting in a ton of paperwork.

Steve looks over at him. "What? I haven't said anything Stark."

"Actions speaking louder than words Rogers, and you two have been eye**** for the past hour."

Steve visibly cringes. "That's a bit crude isn't it?"

"You're not denying it?" Tony asks rather surprised.

Both look over towards the reception where Bucky Barnes has now stood up and is on his way towards the door.

Steve looks at the clock on his computer and his eyes widen. He stands up. "I have something I have to do," he says and grabs his jacket. "And we were not 'doing it' with our eyes. That's incredibly childish of you to say." Then he follows Barnes out the door.

An hour passes before Barnes comes back in. His hair is a bit ruffled. Also the shirt he is wearing is not the same he wore earlier that day.

Two minutes later, Steve comes back. His appearance is ruffled. He greets Barnes as if they haven't seen each other all day.

Tony looks into the camera with a tired expression.

Steve comes back to his desk. He has a blissful look on his face.

"So..." Tony mumbles. "That's who you did."

"Did you say anything Stark?" Steve asks sounding serious.

Tony looks up from his work. "What? No? It's not like I need to ask what you were up to this past hour."

"I went out for lunch. There was an 'all you can eat' buffet at the restaurant down the street," he defends offended.

Tony grimaces. "Then why is Barnes wearing a different shirt?"

Steve Rogers sighs. "I spilled my drink on it."

Tony Stark's face turns a slight green color. "Sure you did."  
He pauses. "Then why did you pretend not to have met in like a week?"

"Are you... are you implying that we had sex?"

"How am I not thinking that?" Tony hisses.

Steve rolls his eyes. "That's just..."

Tony looks back towards Barnes. Barnes awkwardly leans forwards as he takes a bite from a sandwich he has in hands. When he notices Tony staring, he looks over and winks.


	16. A Very Fury Birthday

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> There is discourse at the office.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for the kudos and comments! 
> 
> My best friend liked this little story but she also told me that maybe she thought it was funnier than it actually is. 
> 
> This chapter is heavily inspired by this scene from the Office (S8 Ep20): https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5E90ZAyYmDU

"We're making a birthday card for Fury," Wanda Maximoff explains as she hands a yellow card to Clint Barton.

"Oh, when's his birthday?" Clint asks as he opens the cards and looks through the small messages written on it.

"Today," Wanda says and bites her lower lip while nodding for him to hurry up. "He'll be here any minute now."

He nods. "Okay. Uh. Does 'Happy birthday. We often say that two is better than one, but that can't be said about you' sound okay?" He looks up at her. "What? It's a joke. He has one eye. Fury has an eyepatch."

"No he doesn't," she replies.

Natasha Romanov looks over at them. "Sorry Clint, Wanda is right. Fury does not have an eyepatch."

"He has an eyepatch," Tony Stark says from his desk. "No... wait or does he? He may not have."

"Are you guys serious?" Sam Wilson asks. He turns in his chair. "He has an eyepatch."

Barton looks confused over his colleagues. "He has been working here for over 25 years and no one knows if he has an eyepatch or not?"

"Okay," Steve Roger says and holds up two drawings, one of Fury with an eyepatch and one without. "Which one looks more like Fury?"

"He is coming," Bucky Barnes says before anyone can answer and stands up.

Nick Fury opens the door to the office, followed my Phil Coulson. "What is going on here?" Fury asks as half of his employees sigh.


	17. Are You Okay?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Phil Coulson also likes to have fun.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for the kudos, comments and bookmarks! 
> 
> This one is inspired by this clip from The Office (S2 EP13): https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8_8DKu3JEJ8
> 
> My friend liked it, so we are trusting her. This is not a "laugh out loud" kind of chapter.

Phil Coulson walks over to the copier. While waiting for his papers, he looks over to the reception desk. Clint Barton and Natasha Romanov are chatting with Bucky Barnes. Clint chuckles at something, while Bucky and Natasha look at him with unimpressed expressions.

“I cannot believe I fell for that,” Barnes groans in annoyance.

“Fell for what?” Coulson asks curiously. Natasha sighs in response and crosses her arms. She looks at Clint who smiles wide.

Clint shrugs. “Well. Is it just me or does it smell like updog in here?”

Coulson frowns. “What’s up dog?”

“Nothing much, what’s up with you?”

Coulson raises his eyebrows and smiles wide. “Huh.” Then a small laugh escapes him.

The camera catches Barnes shaking his head and whispering something that sounds like ‘It’s not that funny’.

“Excuse me,” Coulson says and picks up a stack of papers from the copier. The group of employees by the reception follow him with their eyes as he hurries over to Nick Fury’s office.

Natasha closes her eyes. “I hate this,” she whispers.

 

* * *

 

Fury is on the phone when Coulson steps in.

“Nick, does it sm-,” he starts but quickly shuts up as Fury waves him off. Coulson gives him the stack of papers before quietly exiting the office. He nonchalantly coughs into his hand as he passes the group.

 

* * *

 

Sam Wilson is pouring himself a cup of coffee when Coulson comes up beside him.

“Wilson,” he starts and Sam the accountant nods. “What kind of flavor of coffee is that? Is it updog?”

Sam looks confused over at Coulson who is badly holding back a smile. “What’s that?” he asks and puts the coffee mug back in place.

“I don’t know, nothing,” Coulson starts but his sentence ends in a whisper. “What’s up with you? No.” He disappears in a hurry before Sam can question him.

 

* * *

 

Wanda Maximoff looks up from her computer screen and at Coulson. “What does that mean?” she asks confused.

“What does what mean?” he asks.

“The thing you just said? Are you okay Coulson?” she asks worriedly.

“Nothing, forget it,” he says and hurries off back to his workstation. However, Fury calls him into his office before he can reach it.

 

* * *

 

“What did you want to tell me earlier?” Fury asks.

Coulson smiles. “Well boss. Is it just me, or does it smell like updog in here?”

Fury looks at him oddly. “Cheese… what’s up dog?”

“Finally,” the microphone catches in a weird cough from Coulson who smiles bright. “Oh. I mean uh… sir, how are you doing?”

“I’m doing fine. Are you okay?”

“Thanks for your concern boss, but I think I’m just going to head back to work,” Coulson says.


End file.
